my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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