Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
