i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
