Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
