You can't special order awesome
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
