im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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