so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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