FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Randomize
