I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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