He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
