He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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