he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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