we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
