R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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