repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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