DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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