Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
