i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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