Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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