Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
