alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
