so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
