and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
