Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
