So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
