I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
