Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
