ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
