She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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