did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
