you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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