Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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