im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
