Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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