I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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