What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
