i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
