"it" just moved
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
