I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
