Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
