the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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