I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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