if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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