i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
