Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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