at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
