Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
