I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
