Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
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Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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