I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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