Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
