bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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