But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
