Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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