I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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