if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
