How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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