so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
