I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
even my farts smell like vagina
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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