I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Randomize
