now i know why i became what i already was.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
