apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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