I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
