never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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