We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
