So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
