ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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