i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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