You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
