My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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