you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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