I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
