I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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