how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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