VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
