Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
