I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
