this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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