the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
