Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
