I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my poor anus
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
