just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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