What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
