I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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