today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
