the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
