new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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